So there’s a new dating term “stashing”. 

What’s Stashing? When the person you’re dating won’t let you meet their family or friends. Also there is no social media evidence of your relationship. Pretty much there’s no evidence nor knowledge of your relationship and you’re a secret.

Though the term “stashing” is new, I don’t think the practice is not new at all. I’ve seen this throughout my life; my brother or uncles dating girls and letting no one know. And I’d know because I wanted to play games on their cellphones and computers and I’m just plain nosey. 

I’ve been a stasher before. There were also attempts of making me a stashee.

This is not quite a term but I definitely believe there could be partial stashing. With “partial stashing” you are introduced to people but not the people who matter. You meet friends who are probably just acquaintances or an extended family member that the rest of the family doesn’t talk to and means nothing to the stasher. You are kept secret from the most important people in the stashers life so you don’t know you’re actually being stashed. 

Moving along, I feel like there are very few valid reasons for stashing but these are only acceptable in the early stages of a relationship in my opinion.

  1. It’s too soon to be public. You’ve been dating for 3+ months and that person still needs time before going public. Don’t rush to have your relationship in the public eye enjoy that relationship bubble. 
  2. Haven’t met parents? Maybe his parents live in a different country. My parents and most of my family live in Antigua and other countries most of my exes have never met them. So in the earlier stages of a relations

Other reasons you’re probably being stashed.

  1. Most obvious reason is cheating. You’re probably the other woman.  and you’re kept secret for that reason. 
  2. He’s ashamed to be with you. So he doesn’t want anyone to know. You deserve to be with someone who is proud of you.

But overall stashing is a horrible practice that ruins romances. If you’re being stashed find out the reason why, be sure to weed through the bullshit reasons, don’t let them turn it on you and make you feel worthless. 

Have you ever been stashed or stashed someone? Why did you do it or how did you feel if you were the stashee?

Work conflicts. Ugh. 

  1. Acknowledge there is a conflict. Admit that there is a problem, it’s not your fault because you’re always right and the other person or people need to fix it.
  2. Define the problem. Let them know everything they did or are doing incorrectly. Be sure to point how that you’re perfect and they should strive to do everything like you.
  3. Focus on the person and not so much the problem. The problem wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for that person. After all if it was your job to handle the situation, there would be no problem 
  4. Let the conflict simmer and build up. You need to have a lot of information of the other person’s wrong doings so you can point it out. Telling them too early can possibly give them a chance to fix it and no one wants that. 
  5. Don’t try to be the bigger person by bringing up the situation to them first. Let them come to you, you’ll have enough ammo to lay on them.
  6. When they do come to speak to you be sure to have a hurried conversation probably start walking to the coffee machine or restroom so the conversation doesn’t go on. Make sure you do most of the talking. 
  7. Do not listen to anything the other person has to say. It won’t make sense and it’s probably wrong. 
  8. Come up with a plan to resolve. This plan should be 98% of what you want and avoid having human resources involved. 

So I have been iffy about actually typing this because I felt like it was getting too personal but on of the topics I cover is relationships and friendship are relationships. So for the week I only spoke to 3 girls and I went on a girlfriend date with an old friend. 

The scope of this is not necessarily just me talking about making friends, but just the entire progress of talking to other girls with intent being friends. I can go up and talk to a guy and be friends or more without being nervous. In other states and countries it’s easy to strike up a conversation with others and build a friendship. However it’s pretty a bit more nerve wrecking to go up to a girl and just have a quick chat and start a friendship in Manhattan. People are always busy and going somewhere, and are probably on guard because well people come up with create ways to pan handle. 

My Girl Date: So my girl date with an old friend. 

Background: I’ve known her for about 4 years, we communicated mostly on social media because that’s her preference. We hang out 2-3 times a year because she live 1.5 hrs away, and she works on weekends when I am generally free and able to commute. 

Date: She spent the entire time on the phone,  or posting on social media. She was so into her phone she left without actually saying “bye.” I’m actually still in WTF mode because I’ve never seen that.  

My friend is newly single and she had been in a committed domestic partnership the entire time I’ve known her. In the past when we went out she’s never been this fixated on her phone and social media, we’ve also went out on double and group dates also.

Because I’m in a relationship I don’t think I should only have friends who are in relationships. I’d have to change my friends every time my relationship status changed. 

Do you think people in relationships should only have friends also in relationships?

 

So today I was pretty much brainstorming for posts and my boyfriend’s idea was I’ll say it in his words:

“Why don’t you open up more about your life on your lifestyle blog? Why don’t you blog about not having friends in New York and talk about your journey making girl friends on your blog? I’m pretty sure there are other people lile you who probably blog and have no friends and are scared to write about it” Then he pretty much went on saying I should go out more and meet girls and go on friend dates and document it.

Well I was not going to write this at all. I felt it was a bit too personal and I initially cared about what people would think, I thought I’d be considered weird, desperate for friends or even a loser. Then moments later I didn’t give a f**k and started writing this. 

So here it is I have no close girl friends near me really, I have a lot of people I speak to, mainly via text or social media and hang out with perhaps once or twice a year because they are too busy and we live too far apart.

When it comes to having one or a group of girl friends that I can hang out with, and confide in that doesn’t exist for me. I just have my boyfriend and my brother.

I reflected a bit and came up with possible reasons why I don’t have any close female relationships:

  1. I alienated myself from people after college and starting a new career. I was the person who was always too busy to hanging out and would respond to text days later.
  2. Oh if you look way back when I started blogging, I was married, he hated me talking to and hanging out with single friends and having any friends really and I was pretty much alienated from everyone. Let’s just leave that crap chapter of my life at that.
  3. I was extremely insecure with myself stemming from issues from item 2 so I barely went out nor socialized.

So let’s proceed; I used to be a very social person, went out often and was really friendly. A bad relationship can change you without you realizing it at all, I became introverted, shy and insecure with myself entirely. 

I’m now back to a point where I’m not insecure, I accept myself, more social, I am positive all the time and I’d like to make some female friends. I’d like for my boyfriend to not have to hear all my lady drama, or have to go shopping with me and act like he notices the difference between nail polish and lipstick colors.

My goal is to speak to 5-7 women each week, online or in person, and go on at least one girl date each week. 

I am going to attempt to reach out to old friends, also get the hell out of my apartment more and go out, go to the gym, and places filled with people that may be similar to me to make girl friends and also try online and exploring friend apps. 

If you don’t have close girl friends you are not alone, I hope sharing my journey to making friends will help you. 

It’s the freaking weekend! I’ve recently posted a few drinks on instagram and promised you the recipes! Here are the recipes for the first two I made.

Makes one serving or two smaller servings. Feel free to double up. 

Purple Weapons Frozen Gin and Lime Boozer

  • 3 shots of Gin (2 for less of a kick and perhaps if you don’t really drink gin)
  • 2  tbsp of Lemon Juice
  • 3 drops of Angostura Aromatic Bitters
  • 2 – 4 packets of Splenda or 2 tbsp equivalent no calorie sweetener or 1-2 tbsp of honey
  • 1-2 cups of ice cubes

Instructions

Place all the ingredients in a blender and blend; start with 1 cup of ice then add more until the slushy consistency is to your liking.

Serve in glass or just drink it straight from the blender and enjoy.

Purple Weapons Frozen Cherry Tequila Boozer

  • 3 shots of tequila (2 for less of a kick)
  • 1 tbsp of Lemon Juice
  • 1/2 cup of fresb cherries (you can use the frozen kind)
  • 2 – 4 packets of Splenda or 2 tbsp equivalent no calorie sweetener or 1-2 tbsp of honey
  • 1-2 cups of ice cubes

Instructions

Place all the ingredients in a blender and blend; start with 1 cup of ice then add more until the slushy consistency is to your liking.

Pour into a glass and enjoy.

Fun Fact: You can make this ahead of time, after making you can pour the blended contents in a freezer bag, and freeze. When you’re ready just place in a blender and blend back to a slushy consistency.

Here’s a random picture of my corgi Charlie sleeping