For some people their idea of getting over a break up is getting into a new relationship to get over it. Who gets hurt? The other person. 

How to Know if You’re a Rebound Girl:

  1. The most obvious is he is recently out of a relationship. Pay attention to some facts like if this previous relationship was long-term, it as the love of his life and the details of the break up. Might not even be a break up but a break between them.
  2. He is more interested in you physically, just all about sex and doesn’t make much of an effort to get to know you.
  3. He complains or brings up his ex a lot.  Keeps saying he hates her. He’s obviously not over her. 
  4. He compares you to his ex. If may come in the form of a compliment to you, but he is comparing it to his ex. The feeling of being measured against some invisible ruler.
  5. He is eager to take your relationship to the next level and is in love with you for no reason at all. You’ve just met and he’s already making plans to have you move in or move in. They want to act like it’s a long time relationship even though you just started dating.
  6. It may also be the opposite, The relationship is going fast but not really moving anywhere. The commitment is just not there.

So sometimes you’re into someone, you just met and you start texting, because that’s what most of us do nowadays. Sometimes you don’t get a text back. Oh guys the 36% of you who read my blog and follow me on Social Media this is for you too.

Here’s How to Handle It When There is No Text Back :

  1. Do not send threats and angry messages.
  2. Don’t send a bunch of cute messages either after not getting a response. Just wait and see.
  3. Easy with the essays! Don’t send a lengthy message(s) about whatever; telling a sad story, making desperate plans, etc.
  4. Do not post statuses or pictures complaining about the person didn’t text you back. They are either busy or don’t care and you look desperate.
  5. If the person posts a status update or picture; don’t comment throwing shade or complaining about not getting a text back. Just leave them alone.

Pretty much give it some time, you can try reaching out a few days later. Just don’t blow up their phones and try to stay on their radar. 

If they never text back; move on 

Before I got into a serious relationship, dating was complicated. It was hard to figure out who was dating you for the long haul or if you were just a fling.  I was not secure with my body, (Thankful I am able to love myself completely now) because of that, whenever someone was interested in me I’d be ecstatic. Then I realized those relationships weren’t going anywhere or there wasn’t a real connection because I was just a fetish because of my skin color, body type and accent. 

Having fetishes aren’t the problem. And we’re allowed to have our dating preferences. But having your entire being and existence just be reduced to an object of sexual desire and gratification for someone was not a great feeling. Also a total waste of your time when you’re looking for something serious, and looking forward to having a real connection with someone.

There were a ton of red flags indicating I was being fetishized (and fetishized racially):

  1. There is an excessive amount of compliments. Compliments are great especially when you feel like the rest of society doesn’t feel that way about you. But the compliments are also really strange. Like your shade of black is complimented and being compared to a celeb you look nothing like.
  2. He doesn’t want to you to make certain physical changes to your body. For me I started working out, and I would hear things like “You don’t need to workout or lose weight, I don’t think I’d be that into you if you were skinny”. 
  3. It could be the opposite, he would want you to make ridiculous physical changes. For example getting plastic surgery for bigger boobs or buttocks.
  4. Most of time you see each other it’s for sex or sexual purposes.
  5. You mainly meet in places sex can occur.
  6. Sex is mainly about playing out his fantasies. (And can have a racial twist to it). It also gets boring because it can even get very identical to the previous time.
  7. This person wants you to act a certain way that is stereotypical. For some guys NOT speaking in my thickest Antiguan accent was annoying to him because it’s such a “turn on”. And for others the expectation that I listened to rap and hip hop music a lot or mainly was huge red flag. Not saying Antiguans don’t listen to rap or hip hop but I don’t. But I grew up listening to Calypso, Soca, Reggae and dance hall music but he didn’t understand that because he wanted me or expected me to act like a stereotype of a black person from Brooklyn. 
  8. Phone conversations and text messages are entirely sexual. That’s if you even have phone conversations. In addition always wanting you to send pictures. They don’t necessarily have to be nudes. 

Because of my insecurities about myself because of my weight I ignored these red flags for a while. I happy that I am now able to love myself. Self-love is true freedom.

The above events do not necessarily mean you are being fetishized, and there a bunch of other ways you can be fetishized, I am simply sharing my dating experiences that made me feel like I was being fetishized.

Anyway pay attention to who you are dating

You May Just Be a Fetish to Him

What I Ate This Week

This is in relation to my vlog series – Journey to Healthy

Check out the Video!


I woke up at 1 PM in the afternoon.  So breakfast was skipped

  • Lunch: I had aTexas Burger and Sweet Potato Fries from Black Tap Midtown. (You should definitely check them out at any of their locations!) 
  • Dinner: Veggie Spaghetti and Meatballs
  • To Drink: 2 shots of Whiskey, 3 glasses of ginger ale (8oz). and about 12oz of water. 
  • I made homemade Splenda Ice Cream with crushed Oreos (defeated the purpose of making it with Splenda) I had a little  

Continue reading “What I Ate This Week .1”

Relationships are complex. They have their ups and downs. So how do you know if you’re happy in your relationship? Find out here. 

  1. Most things that should or would usually annoy you that your partner does, doesn’t. 
  2. You are yourself entirely, no filter, no second thoughts about what to say or do.

    No pretending whatsoever. 
  3. You smile and giggle to yourself thinking about your relationship often.
  4. You talk about your relationship and your significant other non stop, and every chance you get because you’re proud of them and happy to be with them.
  5. Family and friends tell you how happy you seem, and perhaps how better you look. They notice a positive change in you, probably even tell you that you have a glow. 
  6. You easily let go of negative shit. You don’t bring up things from the past or even feel the need to. 
  7. You trust this person. You don’t second guess, snoop or go inspector gadget
  8. You have sex as often as you both wish. Your don’t beg for it or feel like you have too. If your partner is tired you get it, simply because you guys are on the same wave length. (And with the #doitforthedchallenge you probably actually do all of that because you’re so happy)
  9. Still on the sex topic; the sex is better because you connect on this level that is beyond physical. It’s this deep emotional level that is cannot be explained. 
  10. You fight and argue productively. You argue to get to an agreement and work through thing not just because. The fights actually end, probably in sex and two happy people. 

Now I’ll just leave a random relationship quote for you.

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom. – Rabindranath Tagore

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